I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
