when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
