im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I need moral support for this bender
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
