we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
