Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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