well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Randomize
