hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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