remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
