so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
