I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
