She's JV to your varsity
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
