I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
