final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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