oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
