it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
