did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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