Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
