was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
