I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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