so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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