i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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