I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize