I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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