Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
