Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
