alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
