His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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