i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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