I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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