I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
