You just made me feel so damn special
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
