Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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