I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
