she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
