I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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