Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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