she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
