I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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