Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
