He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
