There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
