But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
