Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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