There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
