It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
