I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Text me some of your sweat
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