Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sobbing to NWA
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
