I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize