I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
