sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
