Umm I'm too high to move.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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