shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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