He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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