Just mADE A PArabola og urine
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
