OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
