Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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