I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
