totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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