I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
