Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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