I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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