Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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