I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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