moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
