so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
