Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
