I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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