From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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