he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
