I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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