omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
