My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
