the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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