just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize