she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
